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Big Brother is back and looking for the next big winner. To apply, the process looks easy breezy – just go their website, fill out the form, upload a video and wait for that call, right?

Not so fast.

Yes, they’ve streamlined the application process – but that isn’t to make it easier on you.

It’s to make it easier on them.

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So…

I’m drinking my morning coffee reading the top stories of the day, and then got bored and Googled “Bad Ideas For Reality TV” to see what came up.

They have a show in India called EMOTIONAL TORTURE.  (No, that’s not just what they call Jersey Shore in Mumbai).

The stakes?  Men and women are forced to watch their partners flirt with people far more appealing than them.

It got me thinking, aren’t all reality shows emotional torture in some way?

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Got the heads up on two new documentary style shows doing a NATIONWIDE CASTING CALL!!

The first: Married with Parents (as in – the opposite of Married with Children starring Modern Family’s Ed O’Neil).

The second: 30 Something Grandma’s (as in – the MOST AMAZING CONCEPT FOR A SHOW EVER!)

Here are the deets. Go forth and make yourself famous.

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I found some more choice emails from my time at Blind Date.  About 6 months into the season I was really scraping bottom. I thought honing in on particular personality types would yield some takers:

— Classified Posting —

CLASSIFIED: Reality Show Looking for Wiccans and Voodoo Lovers!
Do you flirt with the Dark Side?
Are you into the occult?
Are you into non traditional EVERYTHING?
Are you SINGLE?
Want to star on a reality TV show?
Write back and tell me about yourself and your beliefs.

The Result?
—————– Original Message —————–

im a wiccan, so was my grandmother. I’m a little hidden about the craft becuz of the closed minded people in this world but i loves what i do

P.S. Oh, and ignore the “married” part of my profile. it keeps some of the freaks away

I dug a little deeper in search for people that actually came in for an interview.
—————– Original Message —————–

i sat there in a room with pathetic wannabe actors that wouldn’t shut up.after 4 hours with obnoxious actors in a small room i can say that was a horrible experience… at least i got to see Aaron Carter in the lobby. Haha

I dealt with the tearjerkers –

—————– Original Message —————–

Put me on Blind Date, I’m lonely. I’m incredibly awkward when it comes to women, because I can’t for the life of me figure them out.  – J

The honest –

—————– Original Message —————–

I would put a knife to my throat before I subjected myself to the angony the show brings.  p.s I’ll date you though off camera.

The forward thinking –

—————– Original Message —————–

Hey, WEll im not single, but im looking to get out of my relationship now. I have always wanted to be on tv. What do i have to do?

And occasionally, the underage –
—————– Original Message —————–

wtf im only 12!!!!!!!!!

At the end of the day, even with the vast amount of meat and potatoes MySpace served up, I still had to venture out to other sites.

Here’s a taste of what I reeled in:
—————– Original Message —————–

hey.. how’s it goin? I saw you on the bondage/domination group.. what are you into? ttyl..

 

While working at Blind Date, I was required to go out every night and recruit people for the show. If I couldn’t fill my quota – I relied on MySpace to get the job done. I had to get pretty creative in my solicitation.

When I started at Blind Date, I was pretty tame with my solicitation.. but after a month or so I stepped it up a notch.

What was:
Are you single?
Are you over 21?
Do you live in the LA area?
Are you fun, sexy and wild?
Blind Date wants you to star on our show!
We are currently interviewing men and women for our 6th season show!
We pay for the date and we pay YOU to go on the date!

Became:
Are you a f#*king jerk?
Do women love you?
Are you single and want to get paid to go on an all expense paid date?
CALL ME, I need you yesterday.
We have TONS of hot girls that want bad asses.
Don’t let them down. And for all you pussies out there, tell your friends…

Naturally, I’d get back all sorts of responses:
—————– Original Message —————–
I’m in a semi-successful band and I’ll give you guys the best episode ever.
—————– Original Message —————–
IF YOU DON’T MIND AN OLD GUY, I’M DOWN
—————– Original Message —————–
is there still openings ???? please tell me there is. I NEED A DATE! hopefullly not a cheap one but i cant be picky . write back

—————– Original Message —————–
I am perfect for Blind Date because
1) I love to go out and have fun
2) I am unique and awesome
3) my best friend is going for an interview today at 3 and we want to carpool!

Which one do you think made the show?

The LOST finale has come and gone.

Facebook petitioned for the planets to align perfectly so nothing would interrupt this climactic moment.

The streets were quiet, the airports shut down, and my dog didn’t need to take a crap outside for three hours.

I’d never seen the show before last night.

Why then, after avoiding this show for six seasons, would I sit down with a Costco size bag of Swedish Fish and watch the finale?

Well, according to the 346 Entertainment Weekly covers featuring all thing LOST, all questions I could possibly have about this enigmatic television show would be tied up in a frilly little bow by the show’s end.

But after two and a half hours of sweeping music, earthquakes and tears (most of them, mine), I still have questions.

As I watched, and yes, cried a lot, all the mysteries of the LOST universe slowly revealed themselves.  But I still didn’t know what the fart was going on.

In an effort to stay relevant on my Twitter feed, I need to figure this shit out.  I’ve whittled my main concerns down to 10.

I’m hoping, now that LOST fans have literally nothing to live for anymore, that they might refrain from offing themselves and take time to answer a few questions.

10. Who’s actually hotter – Jack or Sawyer?

9. What was the white light hole in the ground thingy?  Heaven?  A hottub?

8. Do you really believe in Duct tape?

7. Why was Locke such a dick?

6. So, did all of the people on the plane have to wait until Jack died before they could all go to heaven?

5. The pilot, the Asian dude and the guy with permanent black eyeliner were also on the plane at the end.  Why weren’t they at the church?

4. So the fat dude, Desmond and Ben were like, soul wranglers?  They brought all the peeps together and got them to feel each other up and cry?

3. How much do you think the new ABC show The Gates is going to suck?  Why does every network think it needs a vampire show now?

2. Did “The Others” all congregate at a Sizzler down the block?  Didn’t see any of them at that church.

And the MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION OF ALL –

1. What happened to the dog??!?!  He wasn’t at the church.  SURELY he did NOTHING wrong.  BAD CONTINUITY people.

Overall, it seemed to end nicely.  Kind of The Sixth Sense meets The Dead Zone thing.  For those die hards that will be walking around today in the hollow shells of your former selves because you’re so, well, lost without LOST, I’m sure ABC a new, totally-baffling-in-every-way show cooking right now to re-captivate you before you turn to the dark side and start watching Two and Half Men on CBS.

Later dude.

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It’s a slow news day.  Actually, everyday is a slow news day, because I actively choose to not watch the news.  Especially local news.  According to them, everything is trying to kill you and your favorite sports team never wins.  So, instead of writing about trivial things like the economy, I want to take today’s blog to a much deeper level.  I want to take it to a time and place most of the people reading this can relate to: The 80′s.

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Over the course of my single life in LA, I declared more than once that I was either cursed or cockblocked by the Universe.

Working in reality TV didn’t help.

The kookiest guy I ever saw walk through  the “Blind Date” office was a guy who looked like Uncle Fester. And when I say looked like – I mean, he LOOKED like Uncle Fester. Bald head, black floor length gown and when he put a light bulb in his mouth, which he carried on him at all times, it lit up.

What some people will do for a shot of fame.  Then I thought – hey wait a minute, maybe he has just as much trouble finding a girl as I do a guy. Who was I to judge?  I did everything I could to find a guy in LA and I came up empty… maybe Blind Date was Uncle Fester’s last resort.

I found comfort in knowing that. Is that totally pathetic?

My job at Blind Date was and will always be the best casting gig I have ever had. I loved the people I work with – five of them came to wedding years later -, I love the hours (10a a., – 3 p.m. daily!), and I have a major soft spot in my heart for Roger Lodge.

Overcome by nostalgia, I looked at some old emails while working at Blind Date. I have to say this, when you’ve been removed from something for long enough, you tend to view things through rose colored glasses. Yes, it was a super fun job, but some days I just couldn’t believe the kinds of people I had to cast for the show

Here are some of my most memorable casting notices I posted on MySpace. Which one would YOU answer?!

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Jan
20

Blind Mating

While working at Blind Date, I was required to go out every night and recruit people for the show.  If I couldn’t fill my quota – I relied on MySpace to get the job done.  I had to get pretty creative in my solicitation.

When I started at Blind Date, I was pretty tame with my solicitation… but after a month or so I stepped it up a notch.

What was:

Are you single?
Are you over 21?
Do you live in the LA area?
Are you fun, sexy and wild?
Blind Date wants you to star on our show!
We are currently interviewing men and women for our 6th season show!
We pay for the date and we pay YOU to go on the date!

Became:

Read more »

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