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Tonight’s Bachelorette boldly goes where no Bachelorette has gone before. Except for last season and the season before that. The episode starts with Chris Harrison informing the Bachelors that they’ll be leaving the mansion forever and heading to where they filmed the Hangover 2. Yup, The Bachelorette is going to Thailand.

Once nestled into a cushy resort far away from the grit and grime, Constantine scores the first date card. Rainy weather ruins Ashley’s plan to jet out to a private island and get their Survivor on. Instead, they ditch the boat and head into town where they get matching Mike Tyson face tattoos.

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Kidding, they just go shopping, drink beer and get some marital advice from a local.

Ashley admits that her heart still pangs for the bygone Bentley, but she makes lemonade out of Constantine and powers through. Come nightfall, Ashley feels a lot better and he scores a rose.

The next day, Ashley takes the bulk of the boys on a group date to the most romantic place on earth: an orphanage. Actually, it was a very moving segment. All of the guys and St. Ashley got to work sprucing up the joint for needy kids. They were so busy they hardly had time to flirt.

Post do-gooding, they hit a posh pool bar to celebrate. Ashley got cozy with winemaker Ben, then JP then whisked her away for a rainy beach make out session where Ashley confirmed that his smooches were far superior to any other on the show.

Later, just when Ashley is about to give out the rose, Ryan (who is apparently so happy all the time it drives the rest of the guys bananas), steals her away for a quick minute. He makes his play for the Rose, but she gives it to Ben anyway.

Then they all jump in the pool to give viewers something to look at before they died of boredom.

The next day, Ames and Ashley kayak through some blue lagoons. Ames is turning out to be a pretty cool guy. He’s super laid back, witty and doesn’t seem to be a camera hogging wannabe reality star (I’m talking to you Jake Pavleka). Ashley liked it too and gave him a rose.

The next night at the cocktail party, Ashley makes extra effort to get down and deep with her guys. She’s worried that West (the hottie lawyer who lost his wife), isn’t ready for a relationship. And, in the end, she sends him packing.

So, that’s all fine and dandy. This episode was a completely mediocre endeavor… until the last 30 seconds when we got to see week’s teasers. Brace yourself: Bentley is back!! He flew all the way to Thailand for God knows what, but I cannot wait!!

A for effort, ABC!! Way to work those ratings!

Till then…

2 Comments to “The Bitchlorette does The Bachelorette: Episode 4”

  • I love your reviews. FYI though, when she went on her date with Constantine, Bentley was still around. And the guy she didn’t give a rose to was West, not Ryan. :)

  • I thought she had that rained out date turned walk through thai town with Constantine. I might be wrong because I threw my back out and was watching with one eye open. And yup.. the lawyer was Wes, not Ryan… I’m a tard. Thanks for pointing out!

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