Every Monday I get together with a gaggle of girls (and my very patient husband) for Bachelor Monday at my place.
It’s become a tradition: we pop popcorn – and occasionally champagne – and watch with baited breath as Ben Flanjik douches up my flat screen for two excruciating hours of reality television. Every week I promise myself this will be the last week I put myself through his awful hair and man whore ways.
You could start a drinking game with how often he licks his lips before he goes in for a kill.
Dork used to be the only word that truly summed this guy up. Now I can’t even describe him. He’s just that bad. Luckily, I don’t have to.
After every episode, I click on my computer and head over to www.NotesFromAHack.com, where a guy “named” Irwin Handleman – a self proclaimed Bachelor-ologist – puts in words the feelings I cannot.
Irwin is now the sole reason I watch the Bachelor. His play by play is hilarious.
Here are just a few quips from last week’s episode:
At long last, Ben gets to Switzerland where he walks around, deep in thought, or whatever passes for thought with this guy. He’s probably just thinking about grapes, or hair, or reminding himself to lick his lips before kissing.
The season is quickly coming to and end, even though we all know how it ends. Ben gives evil Courtney the final rose (and RING!), then I’m assuming she dumps him at craft services after they stop rolling.
Only on ABC could Ben ever get a girl that hot. Sure she’s nutty, but she looks great naked. Now, Ben thinks he’s hot shit.
According to US Weekly, he hooked up with THREE girls in one weekend up in San Fran. I say San Fran because I imagine that’s how Ben says it.
That is all.
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